Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
