thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Someone signed my nipple.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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