I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
