i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
