When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
