Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
