just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
