you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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