It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
