If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
