You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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