White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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