I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
