I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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