sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
