My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
