Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
