that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Randomize
