So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize