I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
