Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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