Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
