No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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