when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
