do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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