Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
