I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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