I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
