i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
