She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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