look no pants
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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