know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
