Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
