This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
