new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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