By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
