Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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