i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
