Say something about gay babies.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
