Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
