I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
