After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize