is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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