I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
