I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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