just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize