I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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