so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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