I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
