my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry about my life...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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