He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
