I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
