my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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