I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
