i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
