I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
