There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
