I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
