Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need a beard to bite.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
