I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
