Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
