dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
