ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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