Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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