but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
