The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
