awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
