your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Randomize
