my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize