Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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