I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize