Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
