It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
